When I loved you, I smelt different — a poem

When I loved you,
I smelt different.
Felt different.
Metallic,
Clear-water
Trees, white roses
Vanilla.

I’d fall asleep
Nestled into the
Crook of my elbow.
Cold skin.
I’d sink my teeth in,
Tasting a body
In love.

Filling myself with it
Becoming it.
Eating me,
In love
Only to begin again
Upon waking.

When I loved you,
I experienced
So vividly,
Each life I’d known you.

Felt the flutters,
Of our children
In my empty womb.
Memorial desires,
Instinct- driven
Fallacies of
Families.

I’d see a dapple of sunshine
On a rainy day,
A drift of cold snow
In the hot, high summer.

Timelines awash
And washed away.
Mingled, mashed,
Marbles in a
Pale blue iris.

When I loved you,
My body opened.
Cavernous, blank-space
Home.
Hearth and stone,
Meat roasted on bone.

Memorial halls,
Of Kings long dead
Existing entirely for you
Inside my head.

I crowned you,
When I loved you.
Then me,
And you again.
With leaves,
Metal, rubies.

Laughter-soaked offerings,
Blood-soaked
Well-won favours.

I’d walk on bare feet
To find you
In a place, we’d made
Ours.
Sanctum-space.

I go there, still
At times, to find you.
Smelling my skin
Unlocking iron-rooted doors.
And remember
When I loved you.