My eyes drag to the window — a poem

There are moments
When the veil between worlds
Is thinner
When I touch my skin
Beneath my eye
And it loses, a hint
Of its elasticity.

The months of strength
Of resolve, of learning
Become shaky in their
Sudden greyness, like
I’ve hit the wrong button
On my TV remote.

Moments when a wave of grief
Feels bigger, swelling
With months of floodwater
Now finally breaking the banks
That I’ve built
Not hastily, either
Sturdy and solid, now covered
With water.

When love is struggling
When I’m cold, in bed
When I’m laughing at something
A jarring jolt
Paper cuts of a memory
Whistles across the flowers,
Dragging my eyes to the window.

It hums to the ether
Making red tracks
Against my fingers,
Reminding me, that
When these times are harder
That it’s made even more so
By the absence of you.