INFJ eyes — a poem

You were so special
I miss you so much
I want us to make it work
Every song reminds
Me of you
You’re my best friend
And the love of my life

I don’t want to talk
About this now, let’s circle back
Put a pin in it
Revisit it when you’re less angry.
Calmed down yet?
How was your day?
Oh, you still want to talk about it?
“Sure thing.”
I won’t say much though,
I’ve already said what needs
To be said.

I’m only not responding
Because I’m upset.
It doesn’t matter
That it’s been seven days,
It can take me weeks
To calm down.
Why do I need to explain?
Always need to be in control,
Don’t you? Classic you.

No, I won’t do this face-to-face
Text is better for me,
You don’t understand how much
This gets to me, and hurts me so much.
Text is better for me.
There’s a record then.
I can review, refine and relive,
What you’ve said. In detail,
Play it back, in a few months.
What do you mean that’s odd?
I don’t think so.

I’m just so tired of it,
You don’t understand me,
Maybe this just isn’t working.
I compromised for you, you know?
I’d probably, maybe
Not do that for anyone else, possibly.
But what you’re asking for,
That parity, it’s unrealistic.
It’s just too far.
I want ownership of you in a sexual way.
That’s hot as fuck for me, cute as fuck.
You want that to — just admit it.

If you can’t give me that
Then maybe we just don’t work?
Ever considered that? I told you this 6 months ago.
It’s like — I want a lion bar
And you’re a curly wurly
Or something. You know?
Yeah. Mismatched. I want what I want.
I can have everything I want.
Relationships aren’t “work”,
The best ones are easy.
If you were easy and just trusted me,
We wouldn’t have these issues
If you could be the lion bar,
I’d be able to love you.

Your friends don’t understand
Because
They’ve never experienced true and
Real love, like we have.
I just can’t do this anymore, fuck off.
So that’s it then?
You’re ending it?
Always running away, aren’t you?
Take care, my love. I’ll miss you.
I hope you deal with your control issues
I hope you learn to allow yourself to
To be happy.

You always cut and run
Because you know how happy
I’m making you
And it scares you.
What do you mean, you think
We have “things to work on?”
You’re just dead-catting, because
I want to talk about my feelings now
Now.
Now.
No, not face to face, it’s too far to drive.

I’m high again, but I’ve sent you
A heart emoji. See?
That means I love you. See?
I won’t tell you, until later
But I sent it to my other ex too,
Same night. Why is that weird?
You didn’t need to respond
To me.
Your fault.
You need to take more responsibility
For your feelings.

I only said those things
In that email
Because you forced my hand.
You asked me to,
That’s why I said them.
I don’t really think those things I said,
What do you mean?
You don’t understand me,
You always think the worst.

That’s the thing with you
You say you’re feeling this,
But actually,
This is what you’re feeling.
You don’t know.
You’re such a liar
But you lie to yourself most of all,
Must be because of
That shitty childhood.

Is your Dad dead yet?
He needs to just fucking die,
Sorry, he just needs to
You’ll be free then.
Sorry I didn’t message much
When that person
Hanged themselves,
Not hung, that’s incorrect.
It’s hanged,
Didn’t realise you cared that much.

If you can be anything,
Be kind. I’m always kind.
You’re so unkind,
And so judgemental.
Have you heard about
My friend?
She’s done this, again
I don’t know why I
Even bother talking to her.
Be kind. If you can be anything,
Be kind.

Calm down, silly,
It was just a joke
Are you mad at me?
It wasn’t a bad joke at all,
I didn’t realise how sensitive you are,
I prefer women who never get offended.
You sound so upset with me, why?
Why can’t you just
Stop complaining?
You can never just be present,
Can you? Never.

That top does nothing for you,
Would you rather I lie?
I hate it. Stop wearing it.
You’re only wearing it now
To be stubborn.
You’re so stubborn,
More stubborn than me,
Way more than me.
Everything you do
Is because you’re stubborn.

Why don’t you want
To dress nicely for me, always?
It might be uncomfortable, but thongs
Turn me on.
Send me a photo, I’m horny.
Send me a video, more.
I didn’t respond for 6 hours
Because I was with a friend.
Why are you quiet?
Must be close
To your period. Must be jealous.

You’re so beautiful
When you’re underneath me
I don’t know what to do
My heart hurts with how much
It beats for you
God, I love you so much
Never stop kissing me
Never stop
Don’t stop. Please.

I can’t have sex with her,
But you — you’re up for anything
Any time
You never say no.
God, you’re so kinky
You literally never say no.
I want you so bad.
Sorry, I didn’t respond
I had a friend over.
Are you there?
Hello?

Don’t stop texting me
I fucking hate it when you do that,
It’s not up to you,
It’s my choice, not yours.
Keep texting until I have time
To respond.
It’s controlling when you stop.
You’re always scheming,
That song reminds me of you -
You know the one, Mastermind?
Always scheming.

Thanks for the poem
It reminds me of that woman I dated once
Why does that offend you?
Thanks for the dirty pic
That top you’re wearing is the same
As another woman
Why does that offend you?
I think it’s hot. Reminds me of her.
No, I don’t. I didn’t mean it.
Let’s move on.

I had a dream about my ex
We were all in a relationship together
I loved it,
It would be so good if we tried it.
Why does that upset you?
God, you’re so sensitive.
If you loved yourself more
None of that would matter.
Always finding something
To be upset about.

I only slammed my hands
On the table
Because you made me so angry.
I only called you a bitch
Because you’re being one.
Just accept what I’m saying,
And this will all be over. Resonance
Yes, resonance is what I’m after.
People fight, it’s not a big deal
It’s not like I hit you.

Don’t touch my fucking phone
You didn’t? Well don’t tell me
What to fucking do.
You didn’t? Well, don’t fucking do it.
Okay?
Why is anger such a bad emotion?
That’s your trauma talking.
Why not accept this
Part of me too?

I only told you to fuck off
Because you don’t make any sense.
You’re overreacting.
You just don’t understand me
My intentions are only ever pure
How could you think differently?
God, you’re too much.
Always so much
So intense
Always too much.

I’m not your Dad. I’m not your ex,
Stop comparing me,
You’re not? You are. Probably
Just in your head and not telling me.
You’ve got thousands of men
All after you, but I’m not jealous
They’re nothing,
I’m never jealous.
I don’t want to talk about it
Any more.

You think you love me
More than I love you, don’t you?
You think it’s easier for me — so what if it is?
It’s easier for me, yeah
Why is that a bad thing?
Doesn’t it all even out
Eventually?
You’re so conditional.
Love means never
Having to say you’re sorry.
So conditional.

Stop challenging me.
You’re always challenging me
It’s always something, with you
You’re never just happy, are you?
You’re just like so-and-so,
My friend, the guy
The one who treats people badly.
Yeah — that one
And that guy on the cartoon
Rick — yeah that guy.

You’re just like that video game character,
You know the one — Jenova,
Yeah — the parasite that destroys worlds,
Dangerous but beautiful
Are you sad? Why?
I didn’t realise how easy you are
To offend. Why are you bringing it up?
I don’t really think that,
Why would you think I did?
You’re just like my friend who always lies
Just like that kid who betrayed me
When I was 8. Yeah — just like them.

I want you to be vulnerable
With only me.
No, no, not like that,
That story isn’t what I meant.
Now you’ve told me,
It’s made me the bad guy.
What I meant was
Tell me all the ways
I can hurt you
And trust that I won’t.

Come on. Tell me now.
Now.
Now.
God, you’re so fucked up,
Such a broken child.
It’s all I see why I look at you
But I forgive you,
I understand,
I used to be you. Just like you.
Tell me more.

Sorry your Dad died. Sad. Emoji.
Sorry for what you’re
Going through right now,
I wish I could hold you, but I can’t
I can’t — sorry. I asked my mate
He said we’d just end up fucking.
Not a good idea.
You can hold yourself, though
You need to take more responsibility
For your own feelings. Yes.

It’s not my fault you’re feeling sad
You’re projecting,
You’re clearly not over it yet
Maybe it’s best we don’t talk,
Not right now
You’re still too sad.
I’ll check back in later
When you’ve gotten over it.
It’s a choice to be sad, you know
You can just decide not to be.

I’m not avoidant, you are
No, I don’t want to make those plans,
I don’t feel safe with you
Maybe one day,
When you’ve proven
You’re a good girl.
Tell me how I can hurt you
Tell me now.
Now.
Now.
When can I see you next?

What’s your biggest fantasy?
I want it to be this
Oh, okay
Can it be this though?
Okay.
So you’re not submissive
Or dominant?
That’s a shame.
Aw, that’s a shame.

What if I watched you
With another girl?
No way, not a man, no way
I can have another girl though
Not you, no
But I’ll share her with you.
Let’s make that happen.
I can’t wait. Not now?
Why not?
Aw, that’s a shame.

We need to focus on us,
You’re always bringing people
Into our relationship.
I thought we were taking it slow -
You’re so confusing.
Never say what you want.
So confusing
I’m always so confused
Like, how am I supposed to know?

Your support system
Is too large
It scares me
It’s intimidating. You don’t get it.
I don’t understand why
You need all those people.
It’s weird.
Not my thing.

Do they hate me?
You’re so disloyal
I’ve never told anyone
Anything bad about you
Just that you’re traumatised
And take it out on me,
But you’re so disloyal.
I don’t want to hang out
With them.
Not my thing.

I don’t like how much they know
You’re so disloyal
They’ve only heard your side
I don’t want to do family things
With you.
Not my thing.
Sorry — it’s too much.
Not for me, I find it weird.

I forget you’re a Mother
I keep telling people I forget,
Isn’t that funny?
Why are you confused?
Why are you tired?
I don’t want to sleep yet,
It’s only 3am, what do you mean
You’ve been up since 6am-
So? Plan better.

You work too much
Work too hard
Always trying to fill a hole,
Aren’t you? Silly
What’re you running from?
I don’t find that part of you
Particularly interesting.
No ‘boss-woman’ here
Doesn’t work on me.
No, not on me. I don’t find that
Particularly impressive.

No, don’t fall asleep
I’m talking.
I’ll shake you awake if you do
But let me sleep in
Tomorrow
Wake me up when you’ve
Made my tea
Shove that ass in my face
Good girl.
No, don’t fall asleep
I’ll shake you awake.

What do you mean you just
Want to talk?
I’m not great at listening
Without giving advice,
You don’t understand me
Very well, at all.
You always want me to be different.
I’m not enough for you.
So conditional.

You’re the best Mother
The most beautiful woman
I love you so much
Nothing feels right without you
I’ve never met anyone like you
You make me so happy
You’ve altered
The entire course
Of my life
Stay with me forever.

I can’t believe you dated
Someone else
When we broke up
You could’ve waited
Yes, I know I’ve got another girl,
But you could’ve waited.
I don’t want to talk about it
Not any more
Fuck you and fuck off.

Send me a pic
No, dirtier
No, more.
Was he better than me in bed?
Tell me about him
It’s turning me on
Can I tell you about other women?
Why?
Aw that’s a shame
That’s a shame.

Oh, you’re still upset about that?
I was just jealous.
I forgot to tell you
I was sorry
Why did it upset you so much?
God, you’re so sensitive.
Everyone thinks so.
But I’ve never told anyone
Anything negative about you.

You’re such a liar
You lie to yourself most of all
I understand and forgive you
I used to be like that,
I’m not any more, of course.
I read that book — you know the one
Be honest, be true to your word
Always.

That guy on the internet
Told me to be authentic
And then I did mushrooms
And it blew my fucking mind
You should do it.
No, do MDMA
It will change your life
I’m not trying to force you into it
But it’s insane you’ve not done it.
I’ll do it with you.

I’d just love you so much more
If I could see that side of you
I wonder if you’d get horny
On MDMA
I’ve never tried to fuck on it
We could try,
But I’d give anything to see that side
God, you’re so beautiful
When you’re crying
And only I can see it
It’s just for me.

When do you want to do it?
I’d give anything to see you
So vulnerable, anything.
Why don’t you give that part to me?
You’re so stuck
In that prison
Of your own creation.
No, do it for yourself.
I don’t want to do it any more
I never said that.
God, why are you so confusing?
Never clear on what you want.

Tell me your body is just for me
Tell me it’s mine
Who does it belong to?
Say it.
Say it.
Tell me who your mind belongs to
Tell me who your heart
Belongs to.
God, you’re so controlling.
Always in your ego.

You’re driven by fear
I’ve done so many shrooms now
I see it all so clearly.
All of this is bullshit. The matrix.
You’re just ego, I’ve never met someone
With such a defined ego
All I’m talking to is your ego
I don’t think
I’ve even met the real you.

If you don’t like it,
That’s your ego.
The most defined ego
I’ve ever seen.
I forgive you though
I used to be just like you.
But I don’t think I know you
We’re just dating
Different people at this point.

I see you better than anyone
No one, not your friends or family
Truly know you.
They don’t.
You’re so inconsistent
You are such a liar
Always masking.
No one understands me.
I understand you though.

There’s nothing wrong
With our relationship
There’s
Nothing
Wrong
With me.
The only fault, lies with you
God, you just don’t see it.
If you could see it,
We would work.

The shrapnel you throw
You’re so fucking nasty,
But I forgive you,
I used to be just like you.
You’re so controlling
Why don’t you just fucking listen
Why can’t you fucking see
Nothing gets past
My INFJ eyes, nothing.

But there’s nothing wrong.
We can make it work
I’m not ready for this to end.
It’s just the little things
We couldn’t work out
You’re breaking things off
Because you can’t allow yourself
To be happy
You keep sabotaging us
You’re so broken.

I’m not ready
Please don’t go
God, I love you so fucking much
I just want you to be happy
But I want that with me
I want your happiness
More than anything
You’re my best friend
I assumed too much
It feels unfinished
I’ll love you forever. Come back.