In my dreams, we’re still together — a poem

There’s a deeper intimacy
A longer promise
When you imagine
Life, sat, still and happy
At a kitchen table
While sunlight flows in,
The kettle whistles
Bringing the person
You’ve dreamed of your whole life,
Running
To make you tea.

A shared world, built,
In cloudy dreams
Images of how you touch my face
During evenings spent
On the sofa, while I read
My feet in your lap
While you play a game,
Or talk about a podcast
A gift to take
Moments
Like this for granted.

Will you fix things
Around the house, that
I’ve broken with my clumsiness?
While I fix your restlessness
Holding your excuses
Before trickling them through
My fingers, telling you
That I believe in you?
Will you hold me at night,
When I’ve had another bad dream?
While I hold you during the day
Pushing
You to do more?

A thousand moments,
Delivered to my head like heartbeats
As rain patters the window
And we smile because it
Means we’ve got
That introverted excuse
To stay indoors,
As you grumpily accept
Me teaching you to cook,
As I begrudgingly watch
Yet another video on
Yet another subject,
But gosh
We love it, really.

Our brains fire with electric,
Calmer, yet animated
Understood, yet curious,
Always reading the pages
Of mutual expressions
You’ll forget how to unlock me
Before you touch me
And my vulnerability
Melts into you, like my kisses
Remembering with certainty
That you’re the only
One
I’ve ever loved like this.

That kitchen nucleus,
The centre of our home
A life’s worth of arguments,
Of conversations
Atonement and accountability
Of food, of Christmas
And every celebrated birthday.
I’ll imagine you
Flicking paper to me
Attempting to annoy
While I’m on video meetings
But instead, I smile,
Sending love back across the wood
Feelings
So warm, so happy.

You’ve existed in my dreams
For longer than out of them
Because I’ve done this
Before, we both have.
I’ve loved you in a kitchen
A million times
You’ve made me tea,
And bought me necklaces
Held my waist
Against the sink
Kissed me as I dice tomatoes
Humming to the same
Song
On repeat.