If I wrote to you — a poem

If I wrote to you
I’d pretend you were me.
Fulfil my need
For connection,
Reconciliation,
Redemptive-rumination.

I’d be writing to myself,
Selfishly.
Accessing only
The feelings I hold
Painfully.

There’s no room for you
In my pain,
Not now. Maybe one day.

For you.
Not for me.
The self-centered being.
As if my heart
Broke more than yours,
When it just broke differently.